Friends play an important role in human happiness and health. A friendship that is accompanied by a sense of belonging and mutual support in adversity gives meaning to life. Despite all this, sometimes we come to our senses and see that we have few friends left. We may lose old friends because of changing living conditions, relocating, or for any other reason. At the same time, it seems that with age, especially after the age of 40, it becomes more difficult to make friends and make new friends; But despite some difficulties, with a little effort we can find new friends and strengthen our relationship with old friends. In this article, we will talk about the reasons for the difficulty of making friends at an older age, and of course, we have good solutions for you.
At any age, making friends is a little challenging! This can be a little scary in middle age; Because not only do we face mental barriers (for example, worrying about what others think of us), but we also spend our lives getting to know and being close to friends and then separating from friends.
Why is it harder to make friends after the age of 40?
Making friends at a young age is easier because we are dealing with a lot of people. People meet different people easily at school and university and then at the beginning of their careers. Parents get to know other parents.
There always seems to be new people around us; But as life goes on, it seems that it becomes more difficult to meet new people and do things that help build relationships; Things that turn an acquaintance into a friend and a friend into a friend of Garmabeh and Golestan.
Among the factors that make dating more difficult at an older age, many of them are eye-catching. Here are some common reasons.
1. Being busy with family affairs
The most common reason that makes it difficult to make friends after the age of 40 is probably the personal commitments that most people have at this age. Most people at this age have become parents and are struggling with childhood ills. Children take a lot of time. At the same time, a person’s circle of relationships is usually limited to parents who have children of the same age.
A good way to make friends with these people is to participate in group gatherings and do some volunteering, such as coaching kids in a sport. It may sound strange, but it is also suitable for those who do not have children.
2. The stability of the circle of social relations of people after the age of 30
According to research, people after the age of 30 care more about the quality of friendship than the number of friends. Once a person’s social circle is formed, other people are no longer looking for friends outside of that circle.
The best way to deal with this situation is to join groups of people who are interested in your favorite activities. Just find the motivation to join these communities; You will see that good friendships are formed.
3. More individualism
Research shows that individualism, materialism, and narcissism are on the rise. Because of this, most social trends have changed. People spend a lot of time in the virtual world.
An effective way to deal with this situation is to find our own definition of individualism; It means knowing ourselves and learning to be happy without others so that we do not look dependent and needy on others in social relationships.
4. Lack of education in the field of friendship and social skills
The Internet is full of sites and blogs on the subject of relationships and their formation, but few examples mention the topic of dating. Tips that are helpful in improving the relationship are not necessarily effective in improving the quality of the friendship.
However, you can still find good resources in this area. How can this content be useful to you:
Finding a friend in adulthood with 7 simple but clever ways
How to make friends at university?
8 Signs That A Friendship Has Ended
5. Difficulty finding common ground with others
As a child, a simple interest or common ground with others is enough to make friends! These commonalities are also easy to find; The school sports team, classmates who are in the classroom and books, and much more. If you were a football fan as a child, most of your friends were probably football fans too. If you were interested in lessons and books, you would probably be friends with such people.
In this year you know that adaptability is important in any kind of social relationship; So the effective way is to join different groups and do your favorite things voluntarily. By doing this, you will meet people who have common interests with you.
6. Fear of contact with others
Sometimes pride prevents us from contacting others when needed. We are afraid that others will not accept us and will judge us.
To overcome this fear, apply these tips:
- Change your beliefs by reading and listening to motivational articles and books;
- Have a trick for the times that worry you the most (like a sudden silence in the middle of a conversation);
- Try to talk to a new person every day.
7. Not having a topic to talk about
This is usually a sign that you need to add a little color to your life! If you have nothing to talk about, you have to find a reason. Maybe you are so focused on a particular subject (such as work) that you have forgotten to enjoy life.
Remember that you do not have to be constantly talking to build a relationship and enjoy spending time with others. In associating with the right people, you can sometimes enjoy silence.
8. Consistency of approaches and beliefs
According to psychologists, people do not change much after the age of 30; So if you have spent a significant part of your life alone and without a friend, then it will be more difficult for you to find a friend.
Do not worry; You can still break this template! In fact, man is able to change as he pleases. Start with small changes. Change the usual route from home to work. Do something you have not done before. Accept new possibilities and opportunities and try to reach them.
You can not find a friend by constantly rejecting the invitation of a friend and acquaintance and running away from opportunities. Even if you personally do not like the host, accept his invitation. Attending gatherings provides an opportunity to meet new people that you may enjoy.
10. Not having enough money
Sometimes, due to financial issues, you may avoid accompanying others in various situations, such as a restaurant appointment or a group trip. Manage your income and expenses. When budgeting, spend some time on social media.
۱۱. Weakness in social skills
If you have been away from the community for a long time, you may feel that you have a lack of social skills; Maybe you have never been a social person. There is only one way to overcome this problem:
You have to accept that you may fail and look naive and not shy away from it. You need to be able to step forward and try your luck.
The only way to practice social skills is to act in real situations. You can get help from reputable dating sites to meet others.
۱۲. Get used to virtual communication
According to research, a person can not manage more than 150 friends at the same time. This figure also includes virtual friends. You may have turned to a variety of virtual communities to make up for the lack of social interaction. Trying to stay in touch with these communities reduces your mental capacity for real social relationships.
Measure your presence in the virtual world and social networks. You may need to reduce it. The goal is not to completely disconnect, but to set boundaries so that you do not spend too much time and energy on it. It may be a little difficult at first, you may even feel lonely; But this is a transient feeling. This will give you the time and energy to make friends in the real world.
13. Blaming others
Maybe your problem is that throughout your life, you kill people by blaming them. You may have had a crisis in the past; Maybe you are a wounded friend!
Evaluate yourself. Investigate why you are driving others away from you. You may need professional help.
۱۴. Fear of injury again
This, like the previous case, is usually rooted in past experiences. It may be difficult for you to trust others now that your friendship with others has not ended well in the past. People are afraid of repeating the failure in a relationship, even if it is not romantic.
In this case, it is best to seek help from a psychotherapist. You have to be prepared to take risks, otherwise your quest for friendship will end before it even begins.
۱۵. lack of time
He may not have enough time to make friends. You may have to work long hours; Taking care of other life responsibilities also takes time. In such a situation, you should check the situation and see what and for what reason takes your most time.
Make a list of things you do during the week. Maybe your lifestyle does not match your abilities and resources. The best way to save time and money is to delete items. By doing this, you will gain the necessary facilities to pursue other goals in your life.
۱۶. Reduce the excitement of spending time with strangers
The excitement of most of the things we do at a young age comes from experiencing them for the first time. After 40, you have done almost everything! Other things are not exciting for you.
Now is the time to look at the world in a new light. Change your perspective on issues. Read a book, watch a stand-up comedy, or listen to a podcast that helps change your outlook. Most of the time, the lack of excitement is due to the repetition of monotonous patterns for a long time. Now is the time to change.
General advice for dating after the age of 40
At any age, especially if you are not very sociable, applying the following tips will help you.
1. Voluntary activity
One of the best ways to meet new people is to volunteer. Working with others is a good way to get to know them. In the meantime, acquaintance may lead to friendship. In addition, research has shown that volunteering is good for your health and longevity.
2. Join groups or associations
Joining sports groups, reading groups, local groups and the like is a great way to make friends. Types of training classes have a similar effect.
3. Call old friends
Among the friends with whom you have broken off for various reasons, such as being busy, some may want to resume your friendship with you.
4. Strengthen relationships
There are people who are not on our social network; We see them at a friend or acquaintance party and enjoy talking to them. Do not wait until the next party; Step forward and befriend them directly.
5. Be in the eye
Associate with neighbors. Go for a walk. Talk to the salesperson and the shopkeeper and people in the shopping queue or cash register and have a good relationship. You may see someone in these situations on a regular basis. Short conversations in the shopping queue can lead to friendship.
Now that it is the time of the Corona virus epidemic, restrictions do not allow; But in general, travel is a good opportunity to meet people and make friends. Save some of your travel budget. Using hostels and shared inns, which are also cheaper, is better for making friends than hotels.
7. Use online tools
Visiting discussion sites and forums related to your favorite topics can be helpful. On these sites, you can find groups that have similar interests to you.
It’s true that making friends in old age can be a little scary, but you can turn it into an adventure for yourself. See it as a new challenge, and overcome the obstacles that have left you alone and isolated from others, one by one. Do not be afraid to take risks.
How wide is your circle of friends? Are you still in touch with your old friends? How much has your friends increased in recent years? Do you find it difficult to make friends in old age? What do you think about the reasons for this difficulty? Do you believe that by overcoming these obstacles, a new friend can be found at any age? Have you overcome these obstacles yourself? If so, tell us and other audiences about your adventure in dating.