According to a misconception, only men betray their partners and women are always loyal. The truth is that women may betray as much as men. Studies show that 10 to 20 percent of married men and women cheat on their partner. We have already examined the reasons for men’s betrayal in an article; Now in this article we want to see why women betray. Stay with us.
What is the definition of betrayal?
As mentioned above, studies have estimated infidelity rates between 10 and 20 percent; But the real rate of betrayal is likely to be much higher, because in the digital age we may not yet have an exact measure of betrayal. For example, is cheating on social media a betrayal? Is it a betrayal to have a profile on dating sites, even if it does not end in an emotional relationship?
To make it easier to answer these questions, we define betrayal as follows:
Infidelity or betrayal is a form of loss of trust and occurs when you hide important secrets from your partner.
This definition is appropriate for 4 reasons:
1. This definition is based on the most basic element of betrayal: the loss of trust
In such cases, the thing that makes your partner even more upset and upset than having a relationship with another person is lying and hiding the relationship.
۲. This definition includes any type of extramarital affair
An online relationship or any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with another person is also considered infidelity, even if the relationship is as kissing or enchanting as it is called “microcheating”.
3. This definition depends on the flexible pair
For example, some couples may not consider infidelity as infidelity as long as it is conscious of their partner.
4. This definition shows the betrayer that the problem begins when he lies to his partner to hide his mistake.
His partner is not upset by the news of the betrayal, but is upset by the secrecy.
Of course, none of this explains why women betray and that the reasons for betrayal are very different between men and women.
So why do women betray?
There are many reasons why women cheat. Women usually betray for one or more of the following reasons:
1. When ignored
Sometimes women feel more responsible for taking care of the house and children or the sponsor than the husband. It is in this situation that they look for someone who wants them for themselves and not for the services they provide at home.
۲. They are looking for a companion
Having an emotional relationship with a partner is more important to women than sex. They like to talk to their partner, have fun and build nests and social life and…. When they feel that they do not have such a relationship with their spouse, they look elsewhere.
3. Meeting the needs of others makes women tired
New research on unfaithful women shows that many women cheat even though they love their husbands and their work and life. These women often state that they are tired of having to always be emotionally supportive of others and feel that they have not been adequately supported; For this reason, having an extramarital affair is considered a success for them.
4. They feel lonely
There are many reasons why women feel lonely in a relationship. Maybe their spouse has long working hours, or goes on business trips regularly, or maybe is emotionally distant from their spouse. These women are looking for an extramarital affair to fill the void alone.
5. Expect too much from their relationship
Some women have unreasonable expectations of their partner. They want the person they love to be at their service 24 hours a day, and when that doesn’t happen, they look elsewhere.
6. React to or want to rebuild their childhood abuse or trauma
Sometimes women who have suffered mental or physical damage, especially sexual trauma, in childhood (or adulthood) are looking for a way to rebuild those traumas so that they can control or dominate them this time.
7. They are not satisfied with having sex with their partner
There is a misconception in society that only men should be satisfied with sex and enjoy it. But there are many women who find this relationship enjoyable, and if they do not enjoy having sex with their husbands for any reason, they will look elsewhere.
Alicia Walker holds a PhD in Sociology and is a professor at the University of Missouri. He spent a year interviewing women who were having an extramarital affair, for the purpose of researching his book, The Secrets of a Cheating Woman. “I find that women are in a relationship with someone else because they want to make a living with their husbands,” she says. Because they believe that if their sexual needs are not met, they will be forced to separate from their spouse. The decision to betray her husband was not easy for any of the women interviewed; “But after realizing that years of trying to improve their relationship with their spouse had failed, they decided to look for another relationship.”
8. They feel trapped
“They want to get rid of the relationship they feel is trapped,” says Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D. in clinical psychology, in response to why women cheat. Sometimes women live with a man who looks very good but inwardly is either controlling or nerve-wracking or does not meet their emotional needs. Women who are in a relationship with such people may make efforts to change and improve the situation of their partner; For example, see a psychologist or talk to your partner many times about the problem and ask him or her to change. These women, after seeing that their efforts were in vain, turned to extramarital affairs to escape this situation.
Most of these women have a problem that is called “insecure attachment” in psychology. They feel insecure and seek attention from someone else to make sure they are not hurt emotionally and are safe; For example, when they fight at home or their spouse threatens them or makes them feel insecure for any reason, they look for someone who appreciates and cares for them.
The last word
Women who betray, just like men who betray, do not realize at that moment how much infidelity can affect their relationship. Betrayal breaks the hearts of men just as much as it breaks the hearts of betrayed women. Secrecy, especially secrecy in love, destroys trust and is distressing for both men and women.
If spouses want to deal with this problem together, they can turn the crisis into an opportunity to grow by going to a psychoanalyst. Experienced psychologists give time and energy to people who want to improve their relationship; However, unfortunately, some couples are unable to regain lost emotional trust and security. Such people are eventually forced to separate. We recommend that you consult a psychologist again so that these people can better cope with the problem of separation. Although infidelity seems to be the end of a relationship, it can be seen as a test of relationship maturity and people’s ability to calm the storm.