Helping others and being kind is one of the most important human behaviors, but some people do everything to satisfy others, which is a kind of emotional weakness. These people give more priority to the satisfaction of others than what they want, and as a result, they suffer from stress and undesirable inner state. In this article, we describe the behavioral cues of people who only seek to please others, and offer solutions to reduce and eliminate this emotional weakness.
When is satisfying others considered a challenge?
Satisfying others reasonably is something that everyone should do. For example, if the children do their duties well, they can satisfy the parents, and this makes both parties feel good.
Satisfaction becomes difficult when people prioritize the wants and needs of others over their own inner desires. At first glance, these people seem to be very adaptable and kind and do not oppose anyone, but in most of them, wrong patterns of behavior such as excessive self-sacrifice and neglect are seen.
What are the characteristics of people who seek to please others?
- They do not have the skills to say no and when they say no to someone, they feel guilty.
- They are deeply involved in the opinions and feelings of others and feel responsible for their feelings and thoughts.
- They put themselves under pressure to do the work of others and have no time for freedom.
- When others get angry with them, they feel guilty and constantly blame themselves.
- They do things for others that they do not like.
- They do not go for the things that interest them because of the opinion of others.
- They have low self-esteem.
- They want others to love them and not leave them alone.
- They behave like those around them and lose their originality.
- They only feel good when everyone is happy with them.
- They do not use their unhappiness as a tool so that others will not be upset and dissatisfied.
- They always try to do things that please others.
- They often use the words “sorry”, “ashamed”, “sorry” and the like, even if they are not to blame.
- Even when they are not to blame, they take the blame or others put the blame on them.
- They agree with everyone, even if they feel differently about it.
Why do some people constantly seek the satisfaction of others?
The most important way to solve a problem is to identify the causes and solve them. Some personality and psychological weaknesses cause obsessive-compulsive individuals to seek the satisfaction of others. Here are some of the most common weaknesses.
1. Low self-esteem
When a person does not value his own desires and wants, he prioritizes the needs of others and his behaviors and actions will be limited to what is pleasing to others. People with low self-esteem are constantly seeking approval from others and feel that they will only get approval if they have obtained the consent of others and will not be approved if they do something of their own free will.
۲. Feeling insecure
In some cases, people only try to please others because they are afraid they will not be loved or left. These people believe that others only stay with them and love them if they do good things. So to feel safe and secure to be loved, they become a commanding robot.
Perfectionism makes some people want everything to be perfect, so they do not accept the slightest negative opinion about their work and want to satisfy the whole audience.
4. Bitter experiences of the past
Bitter experiences that have hurt people in the past may cause them to constantly seek to please others. For example, if a person has been severely insulted in the past for expressing his or her personal opinion, when he or she later joins a group, he or she may try to attract the opinion of others and not express his or her personal opinion.
What are the destructive effects of satisfying others in personal life?
We have read in this part of the article that satisfying others becomes a problem when a person is stressed and has issues such as low self-esteem or fear of losing.
Normally, we spend time trying to please our friends and family and try to do what they love, but when a person spends all his or her time trying to please others, he or she will experience the devastating effects that we will continue to explore. .
1. Anger and frustration
If you do something for the good of others but reluctantly, you will be angry and unhappy. After a while you will be involved in an unhealthy cycle of helping others and you will feel that only you have an advantage for them and they will not help you at all. As a result, you will feel frustrated and regretful.
۲. Anxiety about satisfying others
Excessive effort to keep others satisfied will waste your mental and physical resources. When you want to keep everyone happy, you get anxious and constantly afraid that one of you may not be happy! This anxiety is extremely harmful to health.
It is interesting to know that helping others is one of the ways to reduce stress, but when you enter a competitive environment and you want to satisfy everyone under any circumstances, you enter a vicious circle that will only increase anxiety and tension.
3. Weakness of will
If you spend all your time and abilities doing the good deeds of others, you will no longer have enough willpower to achieve your personal goals. Research shows that the power of will and decision-making in humans is limited and runs out like a battery! So if you spend these resources just to please others, you will have nothing left for yourself and your goals and you will abandon them.
4. Staying away from the real character
People who seek to please others may never show what they have to offer. In the end, none of their originality remains, and even they do not know themselves.
5. Weakening relationships
Doing other people’s good deeds becomes a duty after a while and no one pays attention to the fact that you are doing them a favor! If one day you decide not to care too much about the satisfaction of others, the people you have been looking for so far may think you have become selfish and walk away from you. But if you prioritize yourself from the beginning, others will learn to recognize your values, and a two-way relationship will develop to satisfy you.
How can we stop satisfying others?
There are strategies that can help you care for others and balance them without sacrificing your desires. Remember that stopping pleasing others does not mean being selfish and not helping them. Everyone must learn to balance the personal desires and desires of their loved ones.
Strategies for quitting the habit of satisfying others are:
- Set yourself a red line and restrictions and do not let others trample on them.
- If someone has a request beyond your means, say no. If you find it difficult, start with simpler situations such as saying no in a text message so that you can at least say no in person.
- Over time, teach yourself and those around you what your interests are and what you think about the things you do for them. Let them understand why you sometimes refuse to accept certain things.
- Always set your plans and priorities and do not undermine them for the sake of others.
- Even if you want to respond positively to a request, say you need time to think. By doing this, you show people that you have plans for yourself, but have made changes to your plans to help them.
- If in relationships you are always the giver and never the recipient, stop satisfying others. A healthy relationship is not a bargain, but it should be mutually beneficial.
- Say no without excuse. You do not have to justify yourself to others.
- Whenever you want to help others, not whenever they specify.
- Decide and speak firmly.
Trying to please others is something most of us do every day. But some people only care about the satisfaction of others and sacrifice themselves for their sake. This behavior is wrong and if not corrected, it creates many personal challenges for the person. If you are one of those people who care about the opinion of others too much, with the solutions presented in this article, you can calmly eliminate this weakness.