Losing someone or something we love is sad, bitter, hard. Most importantly, it sometimes becomes difficult to describe feelings about loss, because a wide range of emotions and feelings arise in such situations, such as fear, isolation, and sadness. In this article, we want to explore the concept of mourning and grief. What is mourning? What are the steps? Do you accompany us?
The loss of a loved one, job, home, relationship, or anything else shakes and upsets us. Mourning is normal for the lost and lost, and of course everyone follows their own path in this direction.
What do mourning mean?
Mourning means grief of losing. When we lose something or someone, we mourn. Everyone endures this pain in their own way. Different emotions may flare up in us as a result of loss; For example, it is not uncommon for emotions such as guilt or confusion to arise in such situations.
The grief of losing can not be hidden and ignored. The more we try to ignore our feelings in the process, the longer our suffering will last. If we are not saddened by the loss, we should know that people’s reactions to this issue are different, and we can not cure all the people who are in such a situation with one prescription.
What is the difference between grief and depression?
Many of the symptoms of grief in the heart are similar to the symptoms of depression; For example, sadness or insomnia are common symptoms. Other common symptoms are self-neglect or an increase or decrease in appetite. Of course, these two problems have different dimensions and states; For example, the grief of mourning disappears over time and usually flares up again temporarily when one remembers the loss.
What are the stages of mourning and grief?
There are stages to mourning and grief. By losing something or a loved one, we enter a process that, if we know it, we will better control and manage our emotions, and most likely, we will feel better and better sooner. Although everyone’s way of mourning and mourning is different, in general, we all go through a process in our own way during this period:
- the reception.
1. Denial; When we do not want to accept the loss
Grief is devastating mourning; That is, we become miserable, we are persecuted, and the good days are taken away from us. Sometimes these bad feelings become so great that we enter the stage of denial; That is, in order to reduce the severity of our stress, we ignore the loss and like to act as if nothing has happened and nothing has been lost.
By denying it is as if we are trying to gradually understand and accept the subject. This is a defense mechanism to reduce the severity of the difficulty and annoyance of the adventure. When we deny pain, we indirectly give ourselves time to reduce the large volume of what is circling our psyche.
It is after leaving the stage of denial that little by little the suppressed emotions begin to appear. Now great sorrow manifests itself and haunts us. See examples of the denial step:
- For example, we still do not believe in separation after divorce, and we feel that this problem will be solved soon.
- After we are fired, we believe that we were fired by mistake and will come back to us soon.
- We do not accept the death or death of a loved one and think that he will return soon and everything will be normal.
- We do not accept the results of experiments on deadly diseases and we constantly think that the results are wrong.
2. Anger; When we do not know who to shout at
The previous stage was the loss (ie denial) of a defense mechanism; But the anger phase is a mask to hide the various feelings of loss. Anger comes to us when we suffer a loss. Why do you think? The reason is that we still want to hide different emotions and pain.
The anger that develops at this stage sometimes turns to the person who is lost; that is, we feel angry and resentful towards the lost loved one, or, for example, the anger turns to the boss who fired us. Sometimes we even get angry at tools and objects; For example, we get angry at the car that caused the accident.
At these times, our brains know that we have mistakenly directed anger at different people and things, but emotionally there is no other way for us and such a reaction is formed in us. See examples of the anger phase:
- We are angry with the loved one who lost his life and we believe that if he had been careful, we would still have him by our side.
- We get angry at our incurable disease and complain to God why He has decided such a fate for us.
- We hate a spouse who is separated from us and we say to ourselves that he should miss this separation all his life.
- We resent our manager and wish his business would fall apart without us.
3. If the hammers; When we make hypotheses and bargain about destiny
During times of grief, we become vulnerable and feel restless, and there is no way out of our bad mood. This is where we come up with the ifs and buts to get out of the situation. What do you mean? That is, we begin to introduce different ifs and hypotheses. If I had done so, it would not have happened; If I had not said this, it would not have happened, and we constantly make assumptions and remain in the grip of the past that no matter what we did and what was happening, we would not be in grief and loss now.
Even if we are religious people, we enter into negotiations with God and ask God to do the good deeds we set out to do so that He may give us peace and deliverance. This stage of the mourning process helps us take a few steps back in the grief, confusion, and hurt we have seen. Review examples from the bargaining stage:
- After being diagnosed with an incurable disease, we tell ourselves that if we had seen a doctor sooner, we would have recovered.
- After the dismissal, we say that if we had worked harder on the weekends, they would have realized our value and would not have fired us.
- After the divorce, we say that if we had spent more time with our spouse, the work would not have dragged on here.
- After the death of our loved one, we say that if I had called him more, it would not have happened.
4. Depression; When we are trapped in the dark walls of sorrow
Unlike the previous two stages, depression is not active and is a silent stage of grief. It is at this point that we either accept the problem and try to get rid of the grief or we prefer to be isolated and thus cope with the grief of loss.
Of course, the type of loss also plays a role in shaping the stage of depression; For example, if we lose a loved one, our grief and depression will usually last longer than the time we lost emotionally. Depression, like other stages of mourning, is annoying, bitter, hard, and miserable, and can trap us in a fog.
To get rid of depression, we can turn to expert counselors and get help from them. See examples of depression:
- After being fired, we ask ourselves how should I continue my life and find a new job? عی Is it possible to start again?
- After being diagnosed with an incurable disease, we ask why my part was to have such an end?
- After the death of loved ones, we say to ourselves, how can I continue my life without him? Without him, I am nothing.
- After the divorce, we sink into the lock of depression and say, why should I continue living?
5. the reception; When we finally get under the load
Acceptance does not necessarily mean reaching a happy point in the mourning process. In fact, when we get to this point, we get to the point of going down and coping. Our feelings during the reception are very different, because our lives have changed completely and we have to see if the happy days come. We may feel a little better in the acceptance phase. Maybe happy seconds will still be away from us. See examples of the admission process:
- After being diagnosed with an incurable disease, we say to ourselves that we are lucky to have the opportunity to accomplish what we have not done in the remaining time, and most importantly, while accepting the disease, we tell ourselves that life is not in our hands and no one can definitively end life. .
- After the death of our loved one, we say to ourselves that we have been lucky to have spent years with him, years full of happy memories.
- After the dismissal, we say that now a new leaf will open in our office life.
- When we get divorced, we tell ourselves that this decision is better for my life.
How long does mourning last?
It is impossible to say how long it will take to get through the mourning process. The duration of mourning depends on several factors:
- Those around us.
The type of absence is also influential in this process. In any case, we must not forget that time makes the pain less. As time goes on, the possibility of returning to normal life and re-experiencing the joys increases.
Get help from consultants
Sometimes our grief is prolonged and life becomes so bitter and difficult that we need the help of a specialist counselor in the field of psychology. In the following cases there is a need to consult a specialist:
- When we can no longer take care of our daily tasks; We do not go to work or we lose homework.
- We feel that life is worthless and the thought of ending life comes to our minds.
- We can not give up our guilt in life.
- Feelings of extreme depression pervade our being.
In such situations, psychologists help us to understand our feelings and to understand where we are. Managing suffering and grief is one of the tasks that counselors teach us.
What is the way to start a normal life again?
Sometimes, in situations of grief, we look for a way to escape and come up with temporary solutions that do not cure our pain; For example, we turn to overeating, to taking sedatives or alcohol. None of these are solutions, and not only do they not solve the problem that leads us down paths of addiction, more severe depression, anxiety, or emotional breakdown.
Instead of temporary and unhelpful solutions, it is better to think of useful and basic solutions, for example:
- Take care of ourselves; Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep to stay healthy and energetic.
- Give ourselves time. Let’s admit that an unpleasant time has come for us and we must try to solve it by accepting the problem.
- Join support groups; Groups in which sympathetic people come together and sympathize with each other.
- Avoid isolation and connect with pleasant friends and relatives to reduce our grief and loneliness.
- Engage in activities that will one day be attractive and enjoyable and make us happy.
How to support a grieving person?
Sometimes we do not grieve ourselves and someone around us suffers from this grief. In these cases, we should not be judgmental. Do not tell the person what to do and do not forbid him from doing anything. Advising a counselor is something we should do. At the same time, we should be around the person and be a kind listener who listens to the words of the mourning person.
at the end
Sorrow is not far from human life. We are all doomed to endure difficult moments and we must accept that life cannot be fought, losses cannot be avoided. However, by knowing our emotions and controlling our emotions, we can help us get through the mourning and grief periods well.
Sometimes it is necessary to get help from consultants. In such cases, we should not be stubborn and isolate ourselves. The help of an expert psychologist will definitely help us. Have you experienced mourning? What feelings have you experienced? How did you get out of this situation?
Other sources: webmd