What signs come to your mind when you think of low self-esteem? You may think of a friend who is shy and unable to speak in public, or you may remember questions that people ask you about their appearance. However, low self-esteem does not always have obvious signs. Sometimes to discover this problem we have to examine the social and emotional relationships of the person with others or look at his childhood memories. In this article, we talk about low self-esteem and its devastating effects on relationships.
What does low self-esteem mean?
Self-esteem is one of the most important quality-giving characteristics of our lives. This inner feeling plays an important role in various aspects of our lives.
The low level of this feeling in a person means that he does not consider himself worthy of achieving the goals he has set in life. As a result, he deprives himself of a happy life. Low self-esteem has devastating effects on people’s emotional and social relationships and deprives them of the benefit of desirable relationships.
What are the roots of low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem is often rooted in childhood experiences and upbringing. Children who have not had a good relationship with their parents and have constantly heard humiliation and insults from them always have doubts about themselves and ignore their abilities and existential values. The child transmits the same trampled self-esteem to adulthood. He will bring these unpleasant feelings in his relationships and other interactions.
What are the signs of low self-esteem in relationships?
Low self-esteem manifests itself in a variety of ways in emotional relationships. In general, they can be described as follows:
1. Jealousy in a relationship
A person with low self-esteem is always worried that his or her emotional partner will be attracted to others. Because he sees himself as unworthy and inadequate, he thinks that his partner may leave him at any moment; He shows jealousy after himself and becomes anxious because his partner can not be available to him at all times.
۲. Seeking the approval of others
A person with this problem is constantly trying to get the approval of others. He wants to fill the void of value he does not value by admiring others. In this way, he ignores his wants and needs.
3. Feelings of shame and guilt
A person with low self-esteem seeks help from others because he or she feels disturbed by others and feels guilty and ashamed about it.
4. Inability to express feelings and desires
People with low self-esteem prefer to remain silent and not talk about their wants and needs, because they are afraid to upset the other person by expressing their feelings and desires.
5. Trying to stay in harmful relationships
Such people often remain in toxic relationships; Even when they see that the other side is abusing them. They are afraid to leave a relationship that is over or harmful.
6. Sensitivity and irritability
A person with low self-esteem often does not tolerate criticism and does not react appropriately to adversity; For example, when the other party wants to be alone for a while, the other person sees the request as a retreat and immediately reacts emotionally, which in turn leads to controversy.
What can be done to treat low self-esteem?
Fortunately, self-esteem is one of the emotions that can be improved. Individual counseling and couple therapy clarify the roots of lack of self-esteem and allow the counselor or couple therapist to repair and strengthen self-esteem by changing one’s attitudes and approaches to oneself. The methods that therapists use are different, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and narrative therapy.
Another thing you can do is pay attention to your inner feelings and conversations. Low self-esteem is usually accompanied by self-blame. Pay attention to the words and phrases you say to yourself and put aside those that bother and humiliate you. However, if you feel that you have low self-esteem, the best way is to consult a psychologist who specializes in treating this problem.