In each relationship, a certain dynamic is formed and strengthened over time, so that a dual role is created and each party plays a role in this duality; For example, complementary maps of companionship and avoidance. In a kind of relationship dynamics, special triangular patterns emerge called the Carpman triangle or the victim triangle. These three roles are: victim, savior and tormentor. In this dynamic, each of the parties constantly appears in one of these roles or moves between the three mentioned roles many times. be with us. In this article, we refer to a common form of this dynamic that is very pronounced in intimate relationships. In this extreme case, the Karpman triangle can lead to interdependence, coexistence or substance abuse, or domestic violence.
How does the Carpman Triangle appear in relationships?
The person who plays the victim constantly sees himself as the target of blame, attack or ingratitude. He feels helpless and regrets himself and may blame others for his problems.
The person in the role of savior usually takes on another responsibility, while often feeling that his emotional partner is not appreciative enough of his efforts. These people sometimes feel and act like philanthropists, and suddenly enter the scene and solve problems, while ignoring their needs and trying to get their reward by imposing guilt.
In the role of tormentor, one uses power and guilt to dominate the other. These people fluctuate between defense and attack. They firmly seek power and use intimidation of their emotional partner as a means to intimacy. Sufferers may feel a little remorse after experiencing their annoying behaviors.
All three of these roles are different types of similar and profound pain manifestations that use sin as the driving force of the relationship.
This dynamic is characterized by a relationship between two people who are stuck alone and helpless in a relationship. This form of dynamism often shapes dysfunctional behaviors between couples and families.
Where do these maps come from?
The Carpman triangle is learned and acquired in childhood through family and observed relationships. We see parents and family play these three roles and, naturally, we acquire these roles as adults.
Over the years, the Karpman Triangle has become a way of looking at people in our lives. Consequently, in work and intimate relationships, we are attracted to people who share our view of the victim triangle. The subconscious of each party is placed in a role that leads to the perpetuation of the victim triangle. For example, if you are usually the savior in your intimate relationship, you will find yourself with a victim or tormentor. If you find yourself often the victim of the intimate people in your life, you will often associate with the tormentor or savior.
The victim triangle is constructed and identified by the following conditions:
1. Indefinite interpersonal boundaries. These boundaries manifest themselves in the dynamics of coexistence, intertwined and reactive.
2. Two central beliefs Which couples express:
- Love means pity: How to feel and express love through the charter is fear or pity.
- Others can not take care of themselves: People do not have enough ability to take care of themselves, so you are always responsible for the well-being of your emotional partner.
The victim triangle is present in any relationship to some extent. The question is how strong and extreme these roles have become in the bilateral relationship.
What is the alternative?
The Interdependency Circle is a healthy alternative to the victim triangle in which each party feels confident and self-assured. This dynamic creates more stability, trust and respect in the relationship. The circle of reciprocity is achieved by the following conditions:
1. Separate and clear boundaries between couples Which means separating the ability to connect with oneself and at the same time be intimate with another; Communication based on mutual trust and not me and you.
2. Release emotions in a healthy way through speech or excellence.
3. Adopt these two important beliefs That:
- I am 100% responsible for what I create in my life;
- I trust others to meet their needs.
These two may seem easy, but they are difficult to achieve. The circle of mutual trust requires a lot of self-confidence, segregation, optimism and vulnerability.
How to get out of the victim triangle?
1. First, you need to find out if your relationship has the dynamics of a victim triangle
Are you often attacked or abused in your personal or professional relationship? Do you constantly take responsibility for others and blame others who seem ungrateful and ungrateful? Do you feel like you are dead? Do you bully or humiliate your loved ones? If so, you are probably on one of the carpman triangle maps.
- Get professional help immediately if you experience violence or abuse as a result of such a relationship.
2. Stop your role
Think and measure your secondary profits from your behaviors. See why you have such interaction. What are your secondary benefits from playing this role? What are the disadvantages? How does your emotional partner benefit from playing the role of your opponent?
3. Share this post with your emotional partner so that you both have a common language
4. Express the dynamics of your relationship during or after the relationship
Provide an oral report on your role; That you now feel like a victim, savior or tormentor. For example, “I feel like I want to blame you for my condition” or “I feel like I want to save you and heal you.” When you talk about relationship dynamics, it is very likely that this dynamics will diminish.
- Keep yourself in the middle of this triangle. Do not forget that you are not responsible for the feelings of your emotional partner. Even when he blames you for his pain or sorrow. Do not enter the role and wait for the storm to pass by talking about specific breaks and boundaries.
5. Try to moderate your core beliefs
6. Over time, you can separate yourself from the victim triangle and identify it
Once you become aware of this dynamic, you will see that your emotional relationship can be different. It is with this knowledge that you can get your foot out of the victim triangle.
Changing the dynamics of the relationship is scary, because you have probably accepted these roles for a long time, and on the other hand, your emotional partner has been playing your complementary role for a long time.
When you step out of the victim triangle, there is a chance for both of you to grow and improve. By getting rid of this triangle, you and your emotional partner can enjoy a more productive and satisfying relationship and live in a circle of mutual dependence and separation from each other.