The death of a spouse or partner is a profound and painful experience. Whether it happens suddenly or your spouse dies after struggling with a serious illness. Everyone is going through a period of mourning to cope with this crisis. However, sometimes people can not cope with this issue and their daily lives are disrupted. In this article, we suggest solutions to overcome this crisis. Stay with us until the end of this article.
The life of someone who loses a partner changes forever. This change can be extremely difficult. The death of a spouse does not only mean being deprived of the presence of a companion in life, but also changes the life of the survivor or survivors, such as:
- Change of role and individual identity;
- The disappearance of desires;
- Financial losses;
- Feeling lonely and isolated from society;
- Increasing family responsibilities and challenges;
- Increased risk of mental and physical illness.
There are several ways to get past the mourning phase and resolve these challenges. These tips can help you get out of the crisis sooner and get back to normal life.
1. Do not be hard on yourself
First of all, you should know that there is no right feeling about this that you want to resort to. Many factors cause different reactions of people to the death of their spouse. Factors such as:
- Duration of marriage;
- The degree of satisfaction of the parties from living together;
- How his wife died;
- Age of children;
- Dependence on each other.
Depending on these factors, you will experience a variety of emotions: from numbness to shock, heartbreak and anxiety. You may feel guilty that he died and you are left. You may also feel relieved that he is no longer suffering (if he is ill). You may even feel angry that he left you alone. After all, everyone’s way of grieving is unique.
Be prepared to confront relatives and acquaintances who do not know how to react to your spouse’s death. They may stay away from you or try to calm you down with various stereotypes. Just because most people do not talk about death easily does not mean that they do not care about death. If possible, tell your loved ones what you need and what you do not need. If others refuse to name your spouse and you want to talk about him or her, tell them what you want.
2. Take care of your physical health
It is easier said than done, especially when you are experiencing great sadness; But try to take care of the health of your body. Most people experience sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, and poor health.
So it is very important to take care of your physical health in the months after your spouse dies. Maybe just eating at home will make you feel uncomfortable. Eating with others can help. Be sure to discuss changes such as lack of sleep, poor eating, and even reluctance to prepare food with your doctor.
3. Adapt to living alone
Many couples share household chores and cohabitation. For example, one person pays the bills and takes care of the house repairs, and the other cooks and washes the clothes. This division of labor lasts until one of the members dies. After this incident, there is a person who has to take care of his wife alone.
In the early days of mourning, it is best to seek help from friends and acquaintances, and gradually take care of yourself as your emotional state improves. If you are worried about your safety, increase the security measures of your home and ask your loved ones for help.
Living alone is scary for many. Some people are never alone in life. This loneliness, in addition to creating challenges in daily life, also affects a person’s attitude and increases the risk of developing mental illness.
4. Seek emotional support
Coping with the death of a spouse is not something you can handle on your own. Depression and feelings of helplessness are common during this time. According to research, the death of a spouse increases the risk of developing a number of psychological disorders. The same studies show that the sudden death of a spouse, along with a lack of emotional support, is a major cause of depression.
So it is necessary to ask for help from others after such an event. You may want to withdraw from others at first, but with the emotional support of friends and acquaintances, you will be better able to bear the burden of grief.
It can also be helpful to attend counseling sessions for those in need. Talking to counselors or people with similar experiences will help you get through these difficult times.
5. Set up your social relationships
Pursuing social relationships now that you are single can be complicated. If you and your ex-spouse had social relationships with other couples, now that you are single you may not know how to continue these relationships. You may find it unpleasant to be in the company of married people.
To solve these problems, explain to your friends that it is better for them to meet with you alone at the moment.
6. Increase your social activity
Being single means another opportunity to be more active in the community and make new friends. Participating in volunteer work and attending various classes is a way to pursue new goals in life.
Whether you are employed or retired, write your weekly schedule. You can consider the following in your program:
- Talking or walking with friends;
- Visit the library;
- Participate in volunteer work;
- Participate in sports classes;
- Visiting relatives;
- Pet care;
- And… .
7. Consider your children’s emotional state
Know that your children are with you in the grief of losing your partner. It takes the whole family to cope with the death of one of its members. Your relationships with your children may change as much as your relationships with others. Speaking clearly and honestly will prevent problems in your relationship with your children.
8. Delay important decisions
When your spouse dies, you experience intense and even contradictory emotions. In such a situation, delay important decisions. Decisions such as changing jobs or selling a home should not be made in times of mourning.
9. Deal with financial statements and legal issues
After the early days of mourning are over and your emotional state is improving, it is time to take care of your spouse’s legal issues and financial statements, such as:
- Your health insurance status;
- Joint property or property of the deceased spouse;
- Expenses incurred from burial;
- Rearrangement of the will;
- Status of payment of salaries and benefits of the deceased spouse from his / her place of work.
You may need help from your loved ones or consult a lawyer to deal with these cases.
You can also divide your spouse’s personal belongings, such as clothes and jewelry, into three categories: those you want to keep, those you can give or sell to others, and those you have not yet decided on. If you have children, ask them for their opinion.
10. Get help from a psychotherapist
The death of the wife is a great sorrow, and the great sorrow that results from it is normal for a while. But sometimes, this grief grips your soul so much that it makes it difficult for you to get through it and come back to life. This grief affects about 7% of the victims.
Symptoms of deep sadness include:
- A feeling of emptiness and aimlessness;
- Feeling difficult to do daily tasks;
- Feeling guilty or blaming yourself for your spouse’s death;
- Wishing death for himself;
- Loss of desire to communicate with others.
If you experience these symptoms, consult your doctor or counselor to suggest treatment options.
Tips for coping with survivors who have lost their spouse
In addition to the survivors, there are things you can do as a friend, acquaintance and colleague of the deceased spouse to improve the situation for the survivors:
- Let the survivor mourn in his own way. be patient.
- If you notice symptoms of deep sadness or severe depression, encourage her to seek help from a counselor.
- Get in touch with the survivor and ask how he or she is doing. Show her that you share her grief and think about her.
- Let the survivor talk to you about how he or she feels. It may be unpleasant for you because you are mourning or you have no way to relieve him, but just listening to you will be soothing.
- In later years, cherish the memory of the deceased and comfort the survivor; For example, hold a ceremony for a deceased spouse on his or her date of birth, wedding anniversary, or death anniversary.
- In a way that you can express your readiness to help. Whether financial assistance or assistance in funerals or home affairs and….
It is very difficult to lose loved ones. It takes a while for a person to be able to face this reality; But life goes on and we can go on living by setting goals and finding new meaning, while the memory of the deceased is always with us in our hearts.
Other sources: Cruse