“How did I get here, how could I be so dirty ?!” These mental conversations have happened to many of us. We have all made mistakes and made wrong decisions that can sometimes have costly consequences. Forgiveness or forgiving ourselves means being able to forgive ourselves for these mistakes and wrong decisions. In this article, we will tell you why self-forgiveness is important, how to reduce its difficulty and become happier people.
Things do not always go as planned. Our actions are not always a reflection of our true selves; the same is true of others. However, forgiving others is usually easier said than done. It is as if we are not being so strict with others as we are with ourselves! But do not forget, as the Indian-Canadian poet Rupi Kapoor says: “To heal a wound, you must take care of it and caress it!”
Why is self-forgiveness important?
According to experts, forgiving reduces anxiety, which in turn strengthens the immune system. Forgiveness alleviates mental illnesses and disorders such as depression and anxiety, while strengthening anger and strengthening heart health, leading to better body health.
These days, when anxiety and depression are so pervasive, we help improve and maintain our health by forgiving ourselves. If we do not find a way to forgive ourselves and others, we become preoccupied with worry and selfishness.
Sometimes we learn painful lessons from life. But we are not going to constantly torment ourselves by continuing this pain. This pain is not necessarily large and complex. As soon as we do not forgive our mistakes and do not let go, it is a cause of suffering. A mistake that may not be unconscious; We may know why we made this decision, and it can sometimes make things worse.
We need to know that hating ourselves is of no use, while self-forgiveness has many benefits. The first step to forgiving ourselves is to ask the question: Why did I make a mistake?
Making mistakes and making wrong decisions has nothing to do with who we are and who we can become. Our mistakes should not diminish the value we place on ourselves!
We are human. Every human being makes mistakes! We do some things for a variety of reasons. The key is to find a reason to do things. By identifying the reason, we understand how we got to this point and can decide which way to go.
Self-forgiveness in turmoil and adversity
Sometimes by accepting the turmoil we have created, our vulnerability becomes more apparent to our loved ones. This may lead to the revelation of more important facts about us and more important results for us; When we accept that we are not perfect, others are more likely to relate to us and see us as stronger.
Sometimes a simple apology is a confirmation of being accountable and that we are strong and steadfast despite our struggles. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to make up for it” is a good start. This does not mean that everything will be perfect, but it is a sign that we can (and want to) work to repair and improve the status quo.
Endurance in turmoil means that we do not pretend that things are going our way; That is, we stand by our actions and beliefs, that is, we are gradually healed and relaxed.
The ultimate goal is to let go of the past. To give up means to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and mistakes because of what we did not know and what we thought we should (or should not do), but at the same time not to be held accountable.
Along the way, we must identify the mistake, decide not to repeat it, and take responsibility for the damage caused. We must stop blaming ourselves. It’s a difficult skill to acquire over time, but it’s worth it for our health and our return to normalcy.
Sometimes self-forgiveness means finding joy instead of sorrow. By letting go, we learn to live. Sometimes regrets are natural, but we are not going to spend the rest of our lives in sorrows and regrets.
Sometimes we may need to forgive ourselves not for doing the wrong thing, but for doing the right thing; The right thing to do is already costly, but we wanted to do it!
4 exercises for self-forgiveness and having a happy life
The fundamental question is how do we forgive ourselves? be kind. Let’s try kindness!
1. Have self-love
Self-compassion means empathizing with ourselves, talking to ourselves empathetically. Self-love is a prerequisite for self-love; An element that is necessary for almost everything in life.
If we can see ourselves as our best friends, speak to ourselves with love and kindness, and prioritize ourselves, it means we believe we are valuable.
– Megan Hill, psychotherapist
We tend to be kinder to others than we are to ourselves. It is enough to be kinder to ourselves. If you are blaming yourself in your self-talk, ask yourself, “What would I think if this happened to someone else?” “Did I feel the same way about them?” Show the same love and empathy that you show to others.
Feeling embarrassed is part of the healing process and helps us consciously look for ways to do better and avoid mistakes in the future. It also helps us to accept consequences when making difficult decisions. But know that we cannot live in constant fear and shame to make dramatic change. In fact, in such a situation, we can not make a big change!
2. Get rid of guilt
Feelings of guilt not only help to improve our condition or strengthen us, but also exhaust our souls. It may be effective for a short time after our evaluation, but in the end we are human and we need empathy and kindness. Feelings of guilt cause us to recognize what needs to change, but that feeling should not linger inside us!
Feelings of guilt may lead us to think that we are not good enough or worthy enough to be forgiven, so we cannot return to our normal lives and reach a position where we are capable and worthy.
If we make love, we must make it our own. Even if we are broken, we must know that we are worthy and worthy of love. Do not let guilt dampen the good in you, destroy your motivation and strength to live, and destroy your happiness.
3. Help others
Our sufferings and wounds can be a reason to do more good deeds, even if we can not make things right. These pains and sufferings are lessons we have learned. We can forgive ourselves and help others at the same time. Our donations are not limited to charity, our better decision can be a good deed. We can help the needy. To volunteer, to accompany those who feel lonely, to listen to the pain of the people. By helping others, we gradually forgive ourselves.
In fact, by helping others get through difficult and painful situations, we find a way to get through our own difficulties and pains. The truth is that we can and should help ourselves as we help others! When we hear the pain of others’ hearts about their shortcomings and failures, we offer them attention, relief, compassion, forgiveness, and love that we often withhold from ourselves!
So it’s clear we know what we have to do. It is enough to offer ourselves the same love and forgiveness that we generously offer to others.
So we help others to come back to life. By showing the way to others, we find our own way. You will find that this makes it easier to forgive yourself.
4. Reveal our inner selves
To calm down, we can talk about our vulnerabilities with others. It is better to point out the points and events that attract the attention of others; Like the way clients talk about themselves in supportive group meetings, such as anonymous addicts. What we want others to know about us; Let’s say the same. This is how they get to know us and we get a better understanding of ourselves! As a result of this better understanding, we learn to expose our weaknesses while identifying our strengths.
We are not going to shout our words out loud everywhere. It is enough for a few people around us to be aware of our situation and our feelings. Disclosure requires courage; Although it may not be the solution, it is a step to start. In this way, others can identify and warn us of our false thoughts and assumptions. We may be blamed for our mistakes, we may not be, but we will not have a productive life by continuing to blame ourselves.
You can change your behavior and forgive yourself at the same time.
Beverly Engel, psychologist
We can correct our actions, moods, and attitudes toward others while practicing self-forgiveness. In other words, we can be accountable and not stop moving forward and progress at the same time.
As we progress, we may find that some do not accompany us. They may not be ready for this yet. As we move forward and make amends, we can find better ways to accompany others! Even, I say with confidence, we can achieve happiness and contentment!
To progress, like many things, we must be strong. Acquiring this ability, no matter how difficult, is better than losing ourselves in pain! Realizing that we are valuable, we can move forward with joy and satisfaction.
In this moment and after reading this article, you may still have doubts, but know that the more you love yourself, the more happy moments you will have. By surrendering ourselves to love, we find peace. Love that we can find even in failures and shortcomings.
It will be easy for us to forgive ourselves when I accept that we are human beings, human beings who go beyond their deeds and actions, human beings who are perfect and sufficient as they are.
How do you deal with your mistakes? Do you love yourself? After every failure, does “I do not deserve” become a mental phrase? Or are you confidently trying to compensate and improve? Tell us about your experiences.