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How can we control our jealousy like an adult?

Study guide

When was the last time you were jealous of someone ?! For many people, jealousy is an instinctively boring feeling. Jealousy may always be with your romantic relationship (for example, saying, “Why is my friend’s wife more rational than my wife?”) Or it may be the hot ashes that some Instagram posts ignite (for example, think, “How can someone do that?” “Expensive vacation?” Sometimes the success of a co-worker may evoke this frustrating feeling in you and think to yourself why I could not achieve this success. But how can we control our jealousy? Read more.

Social networks arouse people’s jealousy. A 2017 survey of 16,750 people found that 42% of respondents were jealous of their friends’ posts on social media.

Romantic jealousy also has a long and ancient history among all types of jealousy! A 2015 study of 64,000 people at Chapman University found that romantic jealousy between couples today is still strong. Interestingly, men are more jealous and jealous of sexual infidelity than women (45% of men and 35% of women); In contrast, women are more jealous of emotional infidelity than men (65% of women and 46% of men).

Jealousy is part of human nature and existence. The big question is, what should you do when you feel jealous? In this article, you will read the answer of psychologists on how to deal with jealousy in romantic, professional and social relationships.

What is jealousy?

According to Kate Balestrieri, a psychologist, jealousy and envy are two different branches of the same tree; The difference is that jealousy is accompanied by fear and envy is accompanied by resentment.

For example, your friends’ relationship with new people may make you jealous; Because you are afraid that their relationship with you will not be as important to them as it used to be. But if your friend gets promoted in your job while you have the same repetitive and stagnant responsibilities, it makes you jealous of your friend’s position.

Most of the time, we use the two terms jealousy and envy instead; But knowing the difference between the two helps us to better understand how we feel. It is essential to learn how to control these emotions; Otherwise, your mental health is threatened. “If a person is overly angry and irritable and reacts aggressively to the slightest thing,” says Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist, her negative feelings are at their peak. Suppose your spouse intends to leave home without you; If your jealousy leads to an argument about his decision, it’s time to think of a way out of this rebellious feeling.

How to control your jealousy?

1. Learn thinking-stop techniques

You may have noticed that when negative emotions invade, our brains come up with millions of theories about who is to blame for the story. It does not matter who is to blame. “Stop-thinking techniques, such as repeating the phrase ‘Stop It (Your Name)’ aloud, are the best way to get back to the real world and relax,” says Balsterer.

۲. Pay attention to what is happening in you

Whenever you are exposed to strong emotions such as jealousy, you need to control it. When we are jealous, our bodies show different physical imagery. “Jealousy is a threat to our health,” says Balstrieri. “When we are jealous, our blood pressure, heart rate, sweating and breathing pattern become shallower and faster.”

Suppose you find that your spouse is talking to someone and this upsets you; It may happen to you that many of your best friends have been invited to a course but have not been invited. In such cases, if you are not able to recognize and control your emotions and reactions, you will not be able to see reality as it is and deal with it. Paying attention to emotions such as jealousy will make you come to your senses and act cautiously and intelligently in the aftermath.

3. Drain your extra energy

In order to make the right and informed decision, you must also be physically healthy. healthy mind is in the healthy body. “When our body’s energy goes up, we look for a way to deplete it,” says Balstrieri. “So we can adjust our energy level.” Exercising such as pushing a wall or moving a butterfly, going to the gym and even a hot shower help balance your energy levels; As a result, you will examine the situation with a more open mind and control your jealousy.

4. Find out the facts for yourself


When the jealousy of your jealousy has subsided a little, it is time to be honest with yourself and draw the line between reality and the commands of your mind. According to Bahar, the main question is: “What do you believe?” Maybe your spouse goes out alone with his friends and you constantly think that they do not enjoy being in their company; For this reason, you are not invited to the gathering. But you should know that what you are constantly saying to yourself is not true, it is just your personal perception of the story.

Separate what you really know from what you do not know. Know the fabricated stories of your mind so that you do not suffer more.

5. Find what really bothers you

Ballasteri and Bahar both agree on this: sometimes jealousy is a red siren that warns that something is missing in your relationship; That is why you should not ignore your feelings and bury them. Sometimes jealousy is about something in your past, not what you have now; So it is very important to do a little research on the root of this jealousy in your past.

Maybe a failed marriage will now return to your childhood fears of abandonment. Identify your past and present problems. If jealousy is rooted in your past, it is best to see a psychotherapist for a deeper examination of the problem.

6. Learn from your jealousy

Treat jealousy and learn from it

According to Balstrieri, “Jealousy and envy are the best guides that show us in which areas of life we ​​need to progress. “These areas can include emotional, physical, financial, educational and professional development.”

In other words, instead of being jealous of your spouse’s social relationships, it is better to strengthen your social relationships or collaborate on a new and creative project so that your friends’ achievements do not make you feel jealous and envious. Also, if social networks increase your negative emotions, reduce the number of visits to these networks.

Finally, you need to know that you can not prevent jealousy or exactly what you expect from the other person; But with the suggested strategies, you can largely control and control the reactions caused by this negative feeling and improve your behaviors.




How can we control our jealousy like an adult?

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