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Etiquette of condolence and sympathy; Common mistakes and a few examples of appropriate condolence messages

Study guide

One of the most important customs in all cultures of the world is to comfort and offer condolences to people who have lost a loved one for any reason. It is customary all over the world that when a person dies, those around him go to his family and sympathize with them or attend the funeral and memorial services thereafter; This is no longer common in the current context of the coronavirus epidemic. On this account, how can we offer condolences to others on such days?

It is not easy to offer condolences and it has its own etiquette, especially how to offer condolences to a close friend or close acquaintance, which is the most difficult. We are not allowed to say anything when offering condolences. Ignoring a few simple points may increase the grief of the survivors instead of relieving them.

It does not matter if you offer condolences in person or remotely; In any case, there are points that you must follow; But now that we are in the midst of a corona epidemic, physical presence with survivors not only does not help them, it may even make matters worse. For this reason, expressing condolences in absentia has become more important. In this article, we will talk about the points that are necessary when offering condolences.

1. Express your condolences as soon as you hear about it

There is no reason to wait to attend the ceremony and then offer condolences to the family of the deceased. Immediately after being notified, do this by phone, SMS or email.

To do this, be sure to send a private message to the person in question and do not post this issue in public on social networks; For example, when you hear the news, do not comment under the last Instagram post of the person in question, “I offer my condolences. “I was very upset when I heard that.” He may not really want to talk about it on social media; But if he himself published a post and informed about this issue, you can send your message in the comments section. Of course, condolences over the phone are a better way. Try to call and offer condolences.

2. Send a postal or digital condolence card or send a flower

If you would like to express more sympathy, you can send a condolence card. Of course, if you mail a physical card, it will be more valuable to the person; However, since we are in the digital age, if you use virtual methods to do so, it can not be crushed. However, the person you are interested in will probably receive a large number of virtual text messages, and as a result, the postcard will be more valuable to them.

The condolence card is available in two types, ready-made and unwritten. Make one of them and write your message of love and encouragement in your own handwriting, or if it is ready, just sign it. Then mail it.

Sending flowers is also a classic and great way to express your sympathy. Flowers may not do much, but they show your support and are a source of encouragement to the bereaved. It is better to offer condolences verbally or to express your sympathy by sending a text message or sending a card with flowers.

3. Be sure to mention the name of the deceased

Many people refuse to mention the name of the deceased when offering condolences and think that it will be easier for the survivors to do so. This is incorrect. The deceased has been important to those around him; So, if you try not to mention his name, it is like trying to deny the existence of a person who is now saddened by the absence of everyone.

The main reason for offering condolences is to confirm the grief of those around you and the survivors.

When you say, “He was a good person and we miss him,” you are acknowledging that this is really bad and sad. When you say, “I’m sorry [نام متوفا] We have lost “, that is, you send the message to the mourner that this person had a real existence and was an important part of his life; So it’s natural for him to miss her.

Of course, you should not speak in such a way that the person suffers and panics by remembering the process of death; For example, you do not need to talk about the details of the death or ask how he died (at least not now). Confirm the person missing, talk about them, and express your sympathy. It is enough to show them that losing him has affected you as well.

4. Show that you know their grief is real

Learn how to offer condolences to the mourner. There are many helpful and comforting ways you can use to show empathy and solidarity in your words, for example:

No one can understand how you feel right now. I understand it’s really upsetting. You have the right to be sad. Absolutely natural. I am by your side and with you.

You can make it even simpler:

Share me in your grief.

Remember that they do not need your permission to mourn, but it is enough to know that they are not alone; That you give them the right to cry, that this is real and deep pain. Show them that you share their grief.

5. Keep your message short and sweet

If you are sending a card, you do not need to write a long letter (unless you think it is better or necessary). Be concise and use only appropriate words of condolence. Remember that simpler writings always come in handy. If you think you need to add more, appropriate quotes or verses from the Bible are also good choices. You can also send flowers with the card. These things are not necessary. They are just a good idea.

6. You should not say some words at all

Condolences - Some sentences should not be uttered
Crying in silence is better than saying inappropriate sentences.

Know the appropriate words to offer condolences. Never start your sentences with phrases like “at least” and “it’s good that…”; For example, never use the following sentences to condole:

  • At least he does not suffer anymore. It was comfortable.
True, this can be bypassed-but not unless you’re a techie who knows what he’s doing. They can not convince themselves that because he is no longer suffering, so be happy.
  • At least you have your mother….
Be sure to say in his heart, “What does it matter?” The father has his place.
  • The good thing is that you can still have children or at least have other children.
The person you are telling this sentence to has loved his child! Children who have or can have children can not relieve the pain of losing this lovely beautiful child. At least now they can not.
  • At least now in heaven and Josh is fine.
Do not use these sentences. Survivors may not believe in religious issues at all. Worse, if the deceased is religious and you are not religious, by saying this, the survivors may feel that you are being ridiculed or ridiculed. They feel that you are not saying these things from the bottom of your heart and you are playing with words.
  • The good thing is that you are still young and you can remarry.

This is one of the worst sentences you can say.

Avoid saying such things and anything like them. True, this can be bypassed-but not unless you’re a techie who knows what he’s doing. But now is not the time.

There is a time for joy and laughter, and a time for mourning and weeping. If now is the time to offer condolences, this is not the time to talk about positive aspects or a bright future. “Every word has a place and every point has a place.”

7. Do not ask survivors anything about their condition

Condolences - Do not ask survivors anything about their condition

Do not ask about the situation of the survivors; For example, do not say:

  • Wow, how are you coping?
  • Do not need anything?
  • Can I do something for you?

These questions mostly hurt the victim. It is clear that the situation is not easy for them! All they need in those circumstances is the return of their loved one. All they ask of you is to either return your loved one or leave and ask no more questions! Of course, even in the midst of much grief, most people still behave kindly and do not say any of these things. There is a good time to ask all these questions; So it is better to observe for now.

Examples of condolences to the mourner

The following are examples of appropriate sentences for condolence to the mourner in formal and informal terms.

Condolences by phone or informal text message

  • About death [نام متوفا] I’m so sorry. He was an extraordinary man. We really miss him.
  • My heartfelt condolences to you. We all love you and care about you. We pray for your peace.
  • We are with you to lose [نام متوفا] We are sad and mourning. We think of you and we pray for your peace. He was a really good man. We do not forget its goodness.

Formal condolences

  • We mourn with you [نام متوفا] We are dear to you. He was very kind and loving. Please accept our condolences.
  • We are deeply saddened by the grief that has befallen you, and our hearts ache for your grief. Please accept our deepest sympathy.

Sentences for the condolence card

Condolences - Condolence Card
An unwritten condolence card for writing your own message
  • My condolences for the loss [نام متوفا] Accept your dear.
  • Memory ۀ [نام متوفا] It is always alive in our hearts, even now that we are mourning with you. Please accept our sincere condolences.
  • Words cannot express our grief and sympathy in death [نام متوفا] Be dear. Accept our condolences.
  • passed away [نام متوفا] We offer our condolences to your loved one. May the memories of that loved one be a source of peace of heart and soul.
  • Accept our most sincere sympathy. You are not alone and we are by your side in these difficult situations.

last word

One of the beautiful ways in which you can comfort the survivors of a deceased person is to do spiritual and charitable deeds in his or her memory. Actions such as planting saplings in a person’s memory or donating, albeit small, to charities are great ideas. If you have any methods, please write to us in the “Send Comment” section.





Etiquette of condolence and sympathy; Common mistakes and a few examples of appropriate condolence messages


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