If the use of social media is to teach us anything, it is that thousands of years from now, our insatiable appetites for criticizing and criticizing each other will not end. It is not our hand, it is in our nature to criticize others; But why should we add ourselves to these others and constantly criticize our personal work and life? Researchers know the answer to this question. Follow us in this article to give you more details. We want to see how we can get rid of these personal criticisms and no longer be hard on ourselves.
The theory of human tendency to negative thoughts
In 1998, researchers at Ohio State University made a splash in psychology with their latest achievement. This year, they succeeded in proving the theory of “negative bias”. According to this theory, the human brain is more affected in response to negative thoughts than positive thoughts. In other words, when we hear bad news, the electrical activity and response of the brain waves are much greater and more intense (compared to good and positive thoughts and news). According to this theory, our mind is more involved in and inclined to bad and negative thoughts and news.
This tendency to negative thoughts and mentalities from our cave-dwelling ancestors has been remembered by us. It was this negativity that protected them from various dangers and helped them survive. The problem is that we no longer live in caves and are no longer exposed to the dangers of that period. Moreover, like any other mentality and trait, this negativity has grown in us and has taken root. We humans today, with this evolved negativity, ignore all our successes and constantly think about our failures and mistakes.
“All the bowls always break my head!” Saying this to ourselves is easy for us.
When this negative mentality takes hold of us, it is as if we have entered a labyrinth and cannot find a way out of it. Unfortunately, this entanglement has dire consequences: depression, anxiety, condemning ourselves to failure before work, loss of motivation and productivity, and other minor issues.
How can we get rid of negative thoughts?
Now what if we want to get out of this maze? How can we do this? According to psychologist Dr. Christian Neff, the way out of this maze is achieved by feeling kind and compassionate to ourselves. “It simply came to our notice then.
“The most important obstacle that keeps us from feeling compassion and kindness about ourselves is the fear that self-satisfaction will bring us relief, worry and tension away from us, and that we will no longer be as successful in our work and personal lives as we expect. But research proves the opposite. “Kindness and compassion for ourselves lead us to far greater achievements and accomplishments than constantly criticizing and blaming ourselves.”
We often forget where we should be compassionate and kind to ourselves and no longer take ourselves too seriously; But do not worry! In the following, we will introduce you to some of these situations. As a result, we will realize where our self-assertion is unfounded and we can take a different approach.
1. Feeling early on
So far no one was able to send in the perfect solution, which is not strange. No matter how much willpower and perseverance we have and take the time for something, there is still no escape from failure and making mistakes. These mistakes are an integral part of the path to success. No one becomes a master by trying once.
It is not bad if we allow ourselves to fail and make mistakes for a short time. Learning and gaining skills is not like a smooth line to follow and go; It is twisted and up and down. In one of his interviews, James Dyson said that before he could make a Dyson vacuum cleaner, he made 5,126 unsuccessful samples and had to work on the design again. What if early or after any unsuccessful model was made, he told himself he was not fit to do it, or he took it hard and gave up trying to succeed?
2. Comparing yourself with others out of habit
Unfortunately, social media has made it easier for us than ever: to put our own selves next to the good of others and to compare our lives with the lives of successful people. Comparison forces us to live up to the expectations of others. Living according to our own expectations of ourselves was not enough, now these are added. Over time, we lose the definition of success from our personal perspective and become more involved in people’s thoughts and ideas about ourselves than we should be.
Of course, if you get involved in these issues, you should not think that you are alone. We all get more or less comparing. Remember this sentence, it may help to get rid of comparisons with others: “I just have to compare myself to what I was yesterday. “Have I become a better or more successful person than I was yesterday?”
3. Blame yourself for being different
Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. However, this is not the case at all.
We must not forget that each of us’s unique approach to life and the world makes us each have a different way of living and progressing. These are the differences that make life beautiful and colorful. If we believe in these differences, we will be grateful later.
4. Forgetting that “what does not kill us makes us stronger”
Nietzsche’s quote may be a bit clichéd, but it is not irrelevant to what we are talking about. Why do we blame ourselves so much for our mistakes and take it hard on ourselves? Let’s look at it another way: Think of mistakes as events that happen to make us stronger. Every mistake that does not overwhelm us can make us stronger, even if we do not realize it.
5. Allowing our inner voice to dominate us
Too often, the voice within us robs us of confidence and power. In fact, most of us have a deep belief that we are not good enough.
Unfortunately, this belief in badness is often shaped by our misunderstanding of personal failed experiences. We get some kind of misunderstanding and blame failure on ourselves. However, there are many reasons for that failure and not everything is limited to our efforts. This belief in the workplace can also reduce our productivity and that of others. When we think we are not good enough, we think others feel the same way. So we talk to them about how we feel and get them in the way.
As you can see, the negative effects of this negative inner voice are not limited to us. We must always remind ourselves that we are good enough and that we are trying our best. In this way we can control our inner voice.
6. Do not separate constructive criticism from baseless criticism
Everyone has a special way of criticizing others. One criticizes us out of interest and information about our personality, the other out of anger and resentment or the like. Ultimately, it is we who must separate constructive criticism from baseless criticism and distinguish between it. By accepting constructive criticism, we can gradually lay the groundwork for our own progress and success. Consider good film critics: Ultimately, their goal is to get better works of art on the big screen. Constructive criticism of others plays a similar role for us.
what is your opinion? Do you remember a situation in which you inadvertently took it hard on yourself? Do you agree that putting aside these strictures will pave the way for our success?
Share your opinion with us and the readers of this article.