Sadness is one of the deepest human emotions. Every human being experiences this transient feeling many times and to varying degrees throughout life. Over the centuries, philosophers and poets have written extensively about the nature of sadness and happiness. In modern times, psychology, with the help of scientific methods, seeks to know the quantity and quality of grief in order to provide useful solutions to cope with it. In this article, we will teach you 5 strategies with the help of which you can easily cope with grief and sorrow.
When does sorrow come to us?
Different states of grief are common to all. People with different cultures experience this feeling throughout their lives. The range of events that can evoke this feeling in us is very wide: from an incurable disease or separation to the death of a loved one or the loss of a loved one. The focus of this article is on grief in adults.
Elizabeth Kobler Ross is the author of The Death and Mourning, published in 1969. [این اثر در ایران با عنوان «آشتی با مرگ» بهترجمۀ مهدی قرچهداغی در سال ۱۳۷۶۱ توسط نشر اوحدی منتشر شده است]. In this article, for the first time, he divides the passage of grief into five stages, which we have introduced below.
5 stages of sorrow and points that we need to know!
Before introducing these five steps, we need to know some important points about them:
It takes a different amount of time for each of us to go through each step. In addition, the intensity of our emotions is different at each stage. Therefore, contrary to popular belief, going through these stages does not necessarily have a definite order. We usually go through these steps to reach the final stage (accepting the loss) more calmly. However, many of us do not get to the end easily and carefree.
The death of a loved one may bring us back to the issue of death and inspire us to look back at our feelings about death. At each stage, sparks of hope are created: as long as life goes on, there is hope, and as long as we hope, life goes on.
On the other hand, each person has a different way of grieving: some express their grief and do not hide their feelings; Others prefer to hide their grief in their hearts and may not even shed a tear. So we should not misjudge the grief of others, because everyone grieves in their own way.
Many people do not necessarily go through the stages of grief in the way we will. This is perfectly acceptable and natural. The key to understanding the five stages of grief is not to think of it as a step-by-step guide; Rather, we should look to them as guidance that helps us understand our grief.
The five stages of grief
Our first reaction to the tragic events of life is to deny reality. In this situation, people often say to themselves: “This has not happened! It could not have happened! ”This is a natural reaction we make to the reason for our erupting emotions.
“Denial” is one of the common defense mechanisms. This way, by refreshing us, it prevents our rapid shock. At this point, we do not want to accept what is happening. We run away from the signs of fearful reality and avoid any dialogue and information that reflects the bitter reality of what happened. One of the dominant emotions at this stage is the feeling of emptiness, life no longer has meaning for us.
For many people, this stage is a temporary reaction that protects them from the first remnants of the army of grief.
As the signs of reality become more and more apparent, denial gives way to anger accompanied by intense suffering. Intense emotions erupt from within our vulnerabilities and are expressed in the form of anger. We express our anger to our surroundings, friends and acquaintances and even strangers.
Our anger may also involve our loved ones who are dying. Although reason and logic say he is not to blame for the status quo, our feelings blame the person who caused the grief. Anger also brings with it a sense of remorse, and we become more angry with ourselves.
Doctors and health center staff are among the groups most targeted by survivors. Although this class always deals with the suffering and death of human beings, this does not mean that they are safe from the suffering and anger or grief of those around the sick.
If you also work in this field and have such problems, to control your anger, be sure to talk to your doctor or loved ones at the right time. You can ask your doctor to call you at the end of business hours to find out the cause of death. Ask about the condition of the disease and the treatment process and clear up any ambiguities. Think of ways you can reduce your anger.
In our normal response to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, we often turn to “ifs” and “ifs”:
If we went to the treatment of the disease sooner…
If we had gone to another doctor sooner…
If I had treated him better…
This is where we secretly bargain with our God and make promises to prevent the inevitable grief. Bargaining is also part of our defense against painful reality. The feeling of remorse is with us at this stage, we could have done something but we did not and the work has dragged us here.
In post-accident mourning, there are two types of depression in people. The first type is related to the practical consequences of the event, such as the cost and manner of holding the event. Sadness and regret are the main part of this stage. We are worried about the farewell day with our loved one; We worry that we may spend less time with our loved ones during these sad days. It is easier to pass this stage with the support and support of those around you.
The second type of depression is more personal and internal: coping with the loss of a loved one psychologically. Maybe a warm hug will help us get through this stage.
5. the reception
Coping with grief and accepting what has happened is not something that anyone can achieve or have the courage to deal with. Sometimes, sudden death deprives us of the opportunity to respond appropriately, or we never succeed in escaping the bubble of denial and anger.
In the acceptance phase, we gradually come to terms with ourselves and regain our spirit. The main feature of this stage is relaxation along with liberation from emotional dependence; Of course, this does not mean immediate return of happiness, and it is different from depression.
Our loved ones who are very old or sick are often reluctant to retire and prepare for death. This does not mean that they have a definite prediction of their death, but rather that their declining physical condition causes this reaction. Their dignified and calm demeanor helps us to accept this.
Coping with grief is a very personal and unique process for everyone. No one can fully comprehend the emotions we experience during these stages. Others can reduce our suffering with empathy and companionship. The best we can do is stop resisting reality and allow emotions to pass. Resisting will only delay recovery.
For me, death means liberation.
Elizabeth Kobler Ross