Communication can make or break our world. How you communicate is really important. Improper relationships are followed by broken relationships. This is one of the reasons why we do not see peace in the world. Few people have really good communication skills. In this article, we will point out 15 common communication mistakes that we may be unaware of everywhere. We also share ways to avoid these mistakes.
How many of us have had a communication skills course during our studies? Of course, I do not mean university or presenting a PowerPoint in Persian lessons with this subject. Let me put it another way: From kindergarten to the end of high school, have our teachers taught us how to argue with others? Have we been taught how to be a good listener? Even if they have taught you communication skills, they have not done so according to the formal curriculum. Fortunately, it’s never too late to learn.
1. Is alien to the language of “us”
The important thing to know is that the relationship is not a competition, or rather it should not be. But many people see the other through the eyes of the “enemy” and speak in the language of “I am against you.” [و سرِ جنگ دارند]. You need to rebuild this communication structure and see yourself and the other person in the same group. Work together, not against each other. Try to solve problems, not to win.
2. You do not have eye contact
Do you stare at the phone when someone is talking to you? Are you typing on a laptop? Or are you watching TV? How many of you will be ashamed to answer these questions? Even if we do not realize it, I am sure we have all made this communication mistake. On the other hand, we have all been in the opposite person, when we talked and no one made eye contact with us. How does this behavior make us feel? Of course not, right? So we must follow this “golden rule” as an example in our lives:
Whatever you want for yourself, ask for something else.
3. You interrupt the other party
What do you mean when you interrupt someone? In this case, the not-so-beautiful message is conveyed: “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.” Women are more out of excitement and fear of forgetting what they want to say, and men are more out of position the power They want to do this. In any case, the other message that is conveyed is: “I am more important than you.”
4. You have a negative or indifferent body language
Ninety percent of the meaning of the message lies in body language. This is a remarkable amount. Eye contact is part of body language, but only a small part of it. How is your body positioned? Is your body leaning towards the other person or are you in a situation where they shout, “I really do not care what you say”? In what direction is your head turned? How close or far do you sit to a particular person? All of this has an important message: When we speak, our body language is received louder than words.
5. You do not give reflective feedback to the other person
It may happen to you that when you talk to someone, you suddenly feel that he does not hear you at all. The other person may have said something to show attention: “ummm…” or “ohum…” or “that so…”; But you know he didn’t really listen to you. In these cases, “reflective feedback” means repeating the meaning of a letter with a new structure or retelling it. Use phrases like, “So you’re saying you’re worried when I’m late?” “Did I get it right?” Recounting what you have heard shows the other person that not only has he or she been heard, but that you have tried to repeat it in your own language to show that you have listened to him or her.
6. You guess the message before you hear it to the end
You’ve probably thought to yourself with confused faces, “Oh, I don’t even need to hear the sequel, I know what he’s going to say!” Well, you may be right, but you may not. We do not want others to guess about it before we have finished; So do not do this for others.
7. You speak under the domination of emotions
Sometimes you are so angry that you feel like your brain is falling apart. Well, we have all had this experience. But when we experience strong emotions, what matters is what we do with that emotion. Therefore, do not let your emotions take over. Let your fire go out so you don’t regret your career later. When logic finds its way through emotions again, sit down and deal with the difference with “us” language. Recall item 1: You are in a group; The relationship is not a competition.
8. Do not ask exploratory questions
Phrases like “What else?” Tell me more “or” And how did you find yourself then? ” It shows the other person that he or she was important to you as you took the trouble to ask more questions. Ask the person talking to you to share more details. This will make them feel good.
9. You focus on yourself and your life and ignore the other and his life.
If you never ask others about their day, you will find them self-centered. We all know people who talk about themselves 95% of the time when we are with them. These greetings may not have much of an impact on our lives, but we are all happy that others sometimes ask about us.
10. You need to win the debate
I want to reiterate that there is no relationship on the field. Misconception is not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity. There is no one who is always free from mistakes. Do not think that you have to “win”. By acknowledging error, we do not lose power. This shows that you are a more mature person in the relationship, because you can be honest.
۱۱. You target someone’s character instead of their bad deeds
Maybe a phrase like “You bitch! “I can no longer stand it,” we said to someone or heard from someone. Maybe we regretted what we said later, which we should have! These phrases crush another character. We need to know that we all have bad behaviors from time to time. On the other hand, we can not always agree with everyone, but our opposition should be focused on another behavior or speech, not his personality. Do not target the self-esteem of others; Strengthen it.
۱۲. You expect people to read minds
No one can read our minds; So why should we expect that from anyone? Women speak more indirectly than men. If we really want others to understand us, we must speak directly. Otherwise, they are not to blame for misinterpreting our cryptic message.
13. With words, you surrender your power to another
In addition to speaking indirectly, women speak the language of “weakness”: a language that is too polite in which power is handed over to the other side. [یا توپ در زمین حریف انداخته میشود]. For example, saying things like “I’m sorry, am I bothering you?” Gives others the opportunity to say, “Yes, that’s right, follow the card!”; Or, for example, the phrase “I may think it’s stupid, but…” can have an answer like this: “You are right; “It’s really stupid!” Take power and do not hand it over to others with your words.
۱۴. Any stimulus can get your attention
Phone, TV, destructive thoughts and attitudes can distract you during a conversation. There are so many things that prevent us from listening carefully to what others have to say. Watch out for times when you become overwhelmed by these stimuli. If you do not make a conscious effort in this regard, you will send the message to someone else: “In my opinion, addressing this issue is more important than paying attention to you.”
۱۵. You do not empathize and do not equate perception with individual truth
Everyone sees the world through their own eyes. We look different. The truth for each of us is what we have learned from events and issues. Who is right? Are Democrats right or Republicans? Are Christians right or Jews? The answer lies in who you ask these questions from. Sometimes there is no “objective” reality to answer, and it all comes down to how one interprets it. Do not forget this fact. Empathy and understanding that everyone’s personal experience is very real to them is the key to successful relationships.
The last word
Efforts should be made to acquire good communication skills. We have to train like an athlete who wants to shine in his career! I hope you take these 15 mistakes seriously and start working on them today. If you know of any other mistakes that could endanger your relationship, please let us know. Wishing you all a healthy and happy relationship!