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12 things you should not do after arguing with your spouse

Study guide

Fights and quarrels between couples are a natural issue. Of course, two different people are not always the same. But we should not be misguided when disagreeing and arguing; It is also best to use first-person sentences. You may be familiar with other advice on behavior during arguments; But there is usually less talk of inappropriate behavior after a fight. How we behave after a fight has an important effect on the stability of our emotional relationship. In this article, we specifically tell women what behaviors to avoid after a fight with their partner.

It does not matter if we are completely overwhelmed or still struggling with forgiveness and forgetfulness, we women should avoid such reactions to our husbands. Of course, most of these tips are also useful for men.

1. Respect your spouse’s request to distance yourself

According to Dr. Megan Fleming, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, she loses the ability to process thoughts when one of the two parties gets into a fight; So when the other person insists that he needs time, accept his request. At such times, while the other person is organizing his thoughts, it is natural to be anxious! Take a few deep breaths and think about how you and your spouse would expect him or her to treat you if he or she changed. Understand that the need for interruption and passage of time has nothing to do with you.

۲. Get rid of the “all or nothing” mindset

After a heated discussion, try to keep your mind open and receptive. In the middle of a fight, the easiest thing to do is to see everything in black and white. According to Fleming, using phrases such as “you always…” or “you never…” does not help to solve the problem; So after you sleep soundly, increase your field of vision a little and look at it from your spouse’s point of view.

3. Do not be indifferent

It is quite natural to want to distance yourself after a fight; There is no problem, as long as you inform the other party. Rachel Suzman, a psychotherapist and emotional relationship expert, believes that one of the biggest mistakes people make after a fight is to stay away from the other person and ignore him or her. If you shrug your shoulders and ignore your spouse, he or she may conclude that you are punishing him or her; So he may stop talking about how he feels. You can say, “My feelings do not subside as fast as you do. Give me 24 hours to get better. “If it doesn’t get better, we’ll talk more about it.”

4. Do not make weapons for yourself from your spouse’s career

Let everything that is said in the fight be buried there. the past is the past! Psychologist Michelle Galland believes that one of the most common mistakes is that we do not speak our minds in the moment and instead create a list of our annoyances! If the other person in the argument says something that upsets you, tell him or her right away how annoying it was to you. If you are still upset with your spouse the next day, take some time before you go to him or her. The constant return to the profession of previous disputes causes us to get caught up in a fruitless cycle of conversations instead of looking for a solution.

5. When the resentment is not over, do not settle for simple forgiveness

“Excuse me” is dry and empty, meaning “I’m tired, leave me. “I do not want to continue anymore!” Lori Pan, a couples relationship expert, advises us to clarify why we apologize and also how we try to avoid repeating mistakes in the future: “Sorry…; From now on… »

6. Do not make excuses

We can find different reasons for fighting: bad day, headache, insomnia last night and…. It is interesting to know that a study at Berkeley University showed that couples who do not get enough sleep are more likely to fight! However, you are being unfair to your spouse under the pretext of making a lawsuit. According to Dr. Galland, quarrels are usually caused by ignorance. If you are angry, upset or upset, your spouse should know. So the next time you have a nerve-wracking workday, let him know in a text message before you get home so he knows you might be sensitive and bored.

7. If your spouse comes to you for a conversation, do not hesitate

After a few minutes of your argument, tell your spouse that you will be ready to talk and hear about it once you have calmed down (both of you). However, if your spouse comes to you a few days later, do not turn your back on him! A non-verbal relationship is a bad thing. If you notice that you are moving away, apologize, sit down and listen to the other person. When speaking, respond to what the other person is saying: “Are you talking?” it’s true?” Make sure you understand what he is saying.

8. Do not sneeze

Do not bite or tease in fights and afterwards

In a fight, no matter how upset you are, you should not say or make fun of it. Never swear at the other person; It is difficult to compensate for this. If you are discussing the cost of your trip, while recalling your friend’s travel photos to Malaysia, do not say that the trip to Qeshm is very wasteful. Such words cause the other party to insult you in response. Ask your spouse to continue discussing this after you have calmed down. You can say, “I know you’re worried we’ll not get enough money, but I’ve calculated the costs in a way that fits our budget!”

9. If you are not satisfied, do not have sex to reconcile

Sometimes after a fight, both are honest and sincerely apologize. Not long after, your spouse is showing signs of wanting to have sex! But the only thing that crosses your mind with a big question mark is “Really ?!” According to Suzman, it is not that men do not notice the annoyance that has occurred. Men seek sex in order to feel intimate. If you are not really ready, kindly reject their request: “Thank you for wanting to get close to me, but I can not now!” Hug your spouse and say that maybe tomorrow you will be better. It is not good to return without any explanation. This hurts your spouse’s feelings.

10. Do not focus too much on the reason for the fight

It is better to spend your energy to find a solution to the existing problem. Suppose you have a guest and your spouse forgets to buy fruit when he or she returns. Instead of whispering about why he didn’t buy the fruit, you can quickly go shopping or order it by phone at the local fruit shop. Enjoy the night ahead and do not think of different ways to listen to your spouse! According to Pan, the difference between a good fight and a bad fight is whether you get to the solution or not! Saying “You are forgetful these days! What happened? is there a problem?” It’s much better than “I asked you for a job again, you forgot!”

۱۱. Do not say, “I did not mean it!”

“I did not want…”, “I did not mean this!” And… is like wanting to return the lost water to the atmosphere! These phrases make the situation even worse; Because your spouse might say, “That’s exactly what you meant.” Focusing on what we said or did not say, what we meant or did not mean, makes us stay in the past instead of trying to find a solution. The real goal of any debate is to reach a solution! If the other party insists that he did not have a purpose, accept his words: “Accept, you did not have a purpose, but you made me think you have such a purpose! “Next time, please do / do not.”

۱۲. Do not blame yourself for the fight

We all want a spouse who cares about us and our relationship. Arguments can be a sign of trying to maintain or improve a relationship! “Pan” believes that when a couple says, “We used to fight a lot, now we accept each other and get to work!” That is, they are finished. It is not that they do not disagree; They do not care about their relationship. In such cases, the couple soon separates or infidelity occurs. So be happy that your relationship is still so important to both of you that you want to resolve the problems and issues ahead.

How do you think we can turn a dispute into an opportunity to find a solution and strengthen a relationship? How do you treat your spouse after or in the middle of a fight? What advice do you have for the “how” audience?




12 things you should not do after arguing with your spouse

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